April 25, 2005

Bumper Stickers I'd Like to See

Honk if you exist

Determinism means never having to say you're sorry

You can't legislate individuality

I brake because of moral absolutes!

Don't look for higher truth. You haven't dealt with what you've gotten so far!

My God can beat up your god!

God's Word trumps your imagination

The trouble with karma is I don't remember why my life needs to suck

You can't "find yourself" if you're the one who's lost

You may think you're divine, but your spouse knows better

If you can find someone better than Jesus, follow him!

I used to be a hedonist, but that was more of a pain than a pleasure

Solipsism: there can be only one!

If you're a solipsist, what should I be?

If you're god, then we're all in trouble!

Just follow your heart (as long as you're infallible)

If Christianity's wrong, then so's religious pluralism

Postmodernism means never getting to say I'm wrong

"My truth" is that "your truth" is a fiction

If life's just an illusion, who's having this dream anyway?

I got my rights from God. Where'd you get yours?

If there's no such thing as evil, then why are you still whining!

If a river can't rise above its source, then how'd matter get self-awareness?

Boy, are you gonna get it when Jesus comes home!

Nesquik, arsenic: who are you to judge?

Don't like my politics? Maybe it's just your bad karma!

If all roads lead to Rome, then why aren't you Catholic?

If there's no truth, then keep your opinions to yourself!

If women are better, then there's at least one intrinsic difference between the sexes

If there's no hell, then what do we do with Hitler?

How'd animals get so many rights? They don't even vote!

I don't judge, man, I think all irrational beliefs are equally false

If God is dead, then somebody forgot to tell my conscience!

Don't pray for justice. You just might get it!

Evolution means never having to say "thank God"

Evolution: if you don't want God it's got to be true!

Evolution gives fat chance a full-time job

Materialism? Existentialism? Nihilism? It just doesn't matter!

I'm so tolerant, I'm even tolerant of intolerant people!

What's to "tolerate" if you agree with everyone?

I'm positive the sun is hot, the earth is round, and 1 + 1 = 2. Am I closed-minded?

I'm pro-choice too (as long as killing babies isn't one of the choices)

If the truth is within me, then why should I care what you think?

If All is God, then god just godded right on the god

If "good" people go to heaven, whose checklist do we use?

You can't pass the test. Jesus blew the curve!

I know I'm a sinner in need of God's mercy. What's your excuse?

If God's just "love," then who's covering "justice"?

If science defines truth, then who defines science?

If Jesus was just a good teacher, then the apostles were remedial!

Don't call my faith "blind" if yours requires something to come from nothing!

Big bang, anthropic principle, abiogenesis, Cambrian explosion, DNA: I smell a pattern!

My horoscope says I should avoid superstitious practices, so I'm ignoring it

If there can be a gay gene, then why not a homophobe gene too?

"Open minded" is just another name for "undecided"

No one gets out of here alive, and all baggage will be checked at the gate

I'd give you a hand, man, but I don't want to screw with your karma

I tried to find my destiny, but fate had other plans for me

If we've learned anything it's that the management of this planet should be outsourced

Be a nonconformist! Get your regulation piercings, tattoos, and grunge pants today!

My other car has pithier bumper stickers


At 4/29/2005 1:21 AM, Blogger Sam Harper said...

By golly, some of these are pretty clever! You could make a killing if you made bumpers stickers out of these.

At 4/29/2005 9:57 AM, Blogger Paul said...

I'd want to have them as magnetics so I could change them out at a whim. Would be nice to be able to use things like this as conversation starters (the average person won't get some of these, which might prompt them to ask questions), but it's kind of hard to interact from inside the car.

At 4/29/2005 11:17 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Some of these are absolutely hilarious! Others (all) are so true it hurts to laugh. I'll take mine as a bookmark, please, or something to keep to constantly at hand to make reference to.

At 4/30/2005 11:55 PM, Blogger Sam Harper said...

You could make t-shirts out of them. T-shirts always make better conversation starters than bumper magnets.

At 5/01/2005 3:11 PM, Blogger Paul said...

Yes, I thought about that too. T-shirts would give more space for even longer sayings. You could get one on the front and back too, or you could put the setup on the front and the "punchline" on the back. My daughter told me she'd wear them to college if I made her some. She's just that kind of a troublemaker ;-)

At 5/31/2005 11:24 AM, Blogger Jim V. said...

You can get kits at Wal-Mart or other places where you can print what you like from your computer then just iron-on to a plain t-shirt. By the way, I just found your blog and really enjoy it! I've put it in my favorites to check from time to time. God bless!

At 5/31/2005 8:54 PM, Blogger Paul said...

Thanks Jim, on both counts. I just found out my daughter has a friend who does silkscreening.

At 6/01/2005 8:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good heavens! Those were exceptional! Let me know when you have them in official, bumper sticker (or T-Shirt) format, and I will guarantee you at least one faithful customer!

At 7/09/2014 5:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can I please quote you?

At 7/09/2014 6:08 PM, Blogger Paul said...

Absolutely! From anywhere you please.


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