Bumper Stickers I'd Like to See

Honk if you exist

Determinism means never having to say you're sorry

You can't legislate individuality

I brake because of moral absolutes!

Don't look for higher truth. You haven't dealt with what you've gotten so far!

My God can beat up your god!

God's Word trumps your imagination

The trouble with karma is I don't remember why my life needs to suck

You can't "find yourself" if you're the one who's lost

You may think you're divine, but your spouse knows better

If you can find someone better than Jesus, follow him!

I used to be a hedonist, but that was more of a pain than a pleasure

Solipsism: there can be only one!

If you're a solipsist, what should I be?

If you're god, then we're all in trouble!

Just follow your heart (as long as you're infallible)

If Christianity's wrong, then so's religious pluralism

Postmodernism means never getting to say I'm wrong

"My truth" is that "your truth" is a fiction

If life's just an illusion, who's having this dream anyway?

I got my rights from God. Where'd you get yours?

If there's no such thing as evil, then why are you still whining!

If a river can't rise above its source, then how'd matter get self-awareness?

Boy, are you gonna get it when Jesus comes home!

Nesquik, arsenic: who are you to judge?

Don't like my politics? Maybe it's just your bad karma!

If all roads lead to Rome, then why aren't you Catholic?

If there's no truth, then keep your opinions to yourself!

If women are better, then there's at least one intrinsic difference between the sexes

If there's no hell, then what do we do with Hitler?

How'd animals get so many rights? They don't even vote!

I don't judge, man, I think all irrational beliefs are equally false

If God is dead, then somebody forgot to tell my conscience!

Don't pray for justice. You just might get it!

Evolution means never having to say "thank God"

Evolution: if you don't want God it's got to be true!

Evolution gives fat chance a full-time job

Materialism? Existentialism? Nihilism? It just doesn't matter!

I'm so tolerant, I'm even tolerant of intolerant people!

What's to "tolerate" if you agree with everyone?

I'm positive the sun is hot, the earth is round, and 1 + 1 = 2. Am I closed-minded?

I'm pro-choice too (as long as killing babies isn't one of the choices)

If the truth is within me, then why should I care what you think?

If All is God, then god just godded right on the god

If "good" people go to heaven, whose checklist do we use?

You can't pass the test. Jesus blew the curve!

I know I'm a sinner in need of God's mercy. What's your excuse?

If God's just "love," then who's covering "justice"?

If science defines truth, then who defines science?

If Jesus was just a good teacher, then the apostles were remedial!

Don't call my faith "blind" if yours requires something to come from nothing!

Big bang, anthropic principle, abiogenesis, Cambrian explosion, DNA: I smell a pattern!

My horoscope says I should avoid superstitious practices, so I'm ignoring it

If there can be a gay gene, then why not a homophobe gene too?

"Open minded" is just another name for "undecided"

No one gets out of here alive, and all baggage will be checked at the gate

I'd give you a hand, man, but I don't want to screw with your karma

I tried to find my destiny, but fate had other plans for me

If we've learned anything it's that the management of this planet should be outsourced

Be a nonconformist! Get your regulation piercings, tattoos, and grunge pants today!

My other car has pithier bumper stickers